Really, if I’m feeling down, animated GIFs make it all better. So which one was your favorite? Me, I’m partial to the Snow White/Robert Pattinson one and the asian child dancing with the balloon. Also, are there any funny GIFs you’d like to share? If so, post ‘em in the comments.

If you want to see the photos I’ve done so far, here’s the handy-dandy link to them. Surprisingly I’ve done a lot of portraits as opposed to still life… usually I don’t photograph people. Maybe I’m just developing as a photographer or something. Also, if you’ll notice, I’ve pulled off some pretty exciting editing tricks, like in these photos:

In the black-and-white one I actually removed the braces from my friend Meredith’s teeth. No, not in real life- I’d have to use a fork or something. This method was much less painful. I just used Gimp and edited them out. By the way, Meredith, if you’re reading this, I still love your braces. Well, at least as much as a human being can love them, which really isn’t much… but I ramble. I fear I should go ahead and end this post. But first, I should show you the amazingly awesome Christmas present Allison got for me!

Why yes, that most certainly is Fran Drescher on my shirt. Try to contain your jealousy... it's very unsightly on you.

]]> http://cocoadork.com/2010/01/12/im-on-day-6-by-the-way/feed/ 1 cocoadork people eating people neeta mere-mere Picture 18 http://cocoadork.com/2010/01/07/snow-days-and-demonic-snowmen/ http://cocoadork.com/2010/01/07/snow-days-and-demonic-snowmen/#comments Fri, 08 Jan 2010 00:13:05 +0000 Cocoa http://cocoadork.com/?p=1188 ]]> I didn’t go to school today. Why, you ask? It snowed! That’s right- it flipping SNOWED. I know some of you lucky ducks get snow all the time, but where I live we get it once, maybe twice a year.  And did I mention that basically everything shuts down if there’s even half an inch of the white stuff on the ground? Seriously, my entire town goes into panic modes. Roads are closed, people stock up on essentials, and schools are out for the day as well. It’s kind of funny to sit back and watch the mass chaos ensue.

Anyhoo, my brother and I spent the day frolicking in the powder that had accumulated. We were even able to make a snowman taller than three inches! That, I do believe, was the most exciting part. However, seeing that I’ve had about zero practice in the fine art of snow sculpting, said snowman fell apart about three times. Also, his proportions were way off, and his face kind of looked demonic.  No… that’s an understatement. The thing looked REALLY demonic. I have no idea what I did to the poor guy, but he turned out absolutely terrifying. Kind of like this:

Behold, my snowman of DOOOM!

Well, at least I can rest easy knowing my snowman won’t have to worry about bullies. But I DO have to worry about how it’s sitting in my yard right now, staring at my house… lovely, right?

So, is it snowing in your area? Did you get out of school? Tell me all about it! Ahhh, I love snow… if only we just got more of it…

Reason #1: The characters… oy.
The books aren’t that bad. They’re fine for an easy read. However, people make them out to be the next great American novel, so I have sat down and analyzed them from a literary standpoint. It’s not horrible- in fact, I quite like the concept. But the characters are bad. Really bad. Unfortunately, the bane of our heroine Bella’s existence is Edward Cullen. Edward Cullen, the sparkly, stone-cold boy toy of Twilight, is actually a 107-year-old pedophile who watches women while they sleep. I’m not kidding… the characters are void of any personality. But even though the writing isn’t top-notch, it’s just a silly little teen book. It can still be enjoyable, right? Yes, it most certainly could… if people would just shut up about it for five minutes.

Reason #2: EDWARD/JACOB WILL NEVER LOVE YOU (and neither will Robert Pattinson or Taylor Lautner)
I know some people who wear their Twilight hoodie (with the words “I don’t want to be a monster…” written on the back in smoky letters, of course) day after freaking day. And then there are the girls who hang 100+ Edward posters in their room and put fuzzy scarves on their Edward cut-outs “so they won’t get cold”. Oh, and then there are the girls who are thoroughly convinced their character of choice will leap through the pages and sweep them off their feet (or they’ll at least run into RPatz at Wal-Mart and things will go from there). Twilight fans have a tendency to take things way too far, therefore making it near impossible to just enjoy the books as the guilty-pleasure, lightweight read they were designed to be.

Reason #3: You DON’T want a vampire boyfriend. Trust me.
Still want to date Edward? I wouldn’t advise that. Why? Um, hello. HE’S A VAMPIRE! Vampires. Eat. People. If Edward were real, I think he’d behave a bit more like this…
He wouldn’t want to take that girl out to dinner. HE’D WANT TO EAT HER FACE. Therefore, vampire boyfriends are a big no-no in my book.

Reason #4: Robert Pattinson scares the living daylight out of me
When some girls look at Robert Pattinson, they see sex on legs. When other girls look at Robert Pattinson, they see a greasy twenty-something who needs to take a flipping shower already. Don’t believe me? Read this article. Also, he looks at the camera like it’s filet mignon or something. Or maybe he’s just stoned…

So what do you think? Are you a Twihard or do you find the books to be the AIDs of literature? Tell me about it in the comments. Don’t worry, all opinions are welcome, and you don’t have to sign up for anything to comment.

Now, let’s get down to business. I realize 2009 is not over… well, at least not yet. However, I wanted to get a headstart on my New Year’s post… Cocoa’s best (and worst) EVERYTHING of 2009! All of this is purely my opinion, of course, and you probably won’t agree. That’s why you need to post your best and worst list in the comments at the end! Anyways, enough rambling. Let’s get started.

Best movie
I am not a movie buff, and therefore I really didn’t watch that many movies this year. However, everybody loves movies, so I thought it would be best to include this category. So of the ones that I watched, there were two that really stood out to me, and they will be sharing this title.

Coraline and Avatar! I know the general public is probably sick and tired of hearing about Avatar, and I don’t blame them. It got a lot of buzz. However, I especially liked it anyways… especially since it had Sigourney Weaver in it. Have I ever mentioned I LOVE Sigourney Weaver? No, really, I do. Besides Fran Drescher, she’s probably my favorite actress (except I don’t obsess over her quite as much). However, I think I liked Coraline a little more than Avatar. The score was amazing, I loved the visuals, and the plot was pretty awesome as well. Neil Gaiman can do no wrong.
Runners-up: (500) Days of Summer, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (of course)
Worst movie: New Moon (gag me with a spoon)

Best album
Music is most definitely my thing, and I could go on and on about my favorite albums. However, I guess I’ll just have to choose one so I won’t put you all to sleep. And that one would be…

Regina Spektor- Far! I know a lot of people were not crazy about this album, but personally I enjoyed it very much. The highlights were most definitely Human of the Year, The Calculation, Eet, and Dance Anthem of the 80′s. Thank you, Ms. Spektor, for continually putting out really super awesome music. Thank you.
Runners-up: The Hush Sound- Goodbye Blues, Tegan and Sara- Sainthood
Worst: Owl City- Ocean Eyes (sorry Marissa- I’m getting really sick of hearing it), Justin Beiber- My World

TV Show
I’m slowly watching more and more TV… is that bad?

Yes, I s’pose my choice was very expected seeing that I’m a one-time theater nerd. No, Glee is not my favorite show ever (that title belongs to The Nanny), but it was my favorite of 2009! If you haven’t watched it, I recommend you do that. Like, now.
Runners-up: Umm… I really don’t know. Maybe I’m not watching as much TV as I thought.
Worst: ALL THOSE REPETITIVE MICHAEL JACKSON TRIBUTES! Rawr. Oh yeah, and Jersey Shore is also really bad. So is that one new Kardashian sister show…

Book
Like music, I really like books. Maybe I like them too much. And my favorite of 2009?

The Anatomy of Wings! Okay, truth be told I have no freaking idea when this was published. I’m pretty sure it was in 2009, but if not we just won’t tell anyone. ;D Anyways, if you haven’t read this book, I suggest you go do that as soon as humanly possibly. Told from the viewpoint of a 10-year-old girl after the death of her wild-child sister, Anatomy of Wings was a superb, character-driven novel. I was very disappointed when it ended, which shouldn’t come as a big surprise.
Runners-up: way too many to count.

And now here’s the fun part! I’m sure you guys have your own best/worst list of 2009. So how about you post it in the comments? I’d really love to see your opinions. Anyways, until next time, peace, love, and Fran Drescher!

#1: Trucks with speakers
After grabbing some uber-delicious dinner at a local restaurant, my friend and I decided to take a stroll around the city. Being Saturday night, the traffic was nearly bumper to bumper, which turned out to be a kind of bad thing. Why, you ask? Well, there was this giant truck full of four camo-wearing Southern boys that moved at about the same pace we did, which wouldn’t normally be a problem. However, this honkin’ thing had a giant set of speakers hooked up to the top, and every minute those rednecks would yell at us (“Hey there girlies! Wanna go for a ride?”), scream, or just make unattractive horse-like noises. Lovely.

#2 Flirtatious Baskin Robins clerks
After our encounter with the truck dudes, my friend and I headed to Baskin Robins to get some ice cream. On the way she managed to fill me in about a guy named Chad who worked there over the summer and relentlessly flirted with her. She was obviosly rather curious to see if he was still around. Of course when we arrived, lo and behold, our Chad was hunched outside the store in the middle of a smoke break. Also, I should probably add that he definitely looked over 18. But this time he didn’t seem to notice my friend- it was ME he had his eyes on… literally. After coming in from his smoke, he sat behind the counter and stared at me. I’d look over from time to time and he’d attempt to smile at me, except he just looked kind of constipated. Eventually we left the shop, but about an hour later we passed by again to find Chad hitting on three other girls while lighting up outside. No thank you…

#3 Old guys who want to sell you their padre
The next morning, my friend and I were stopped on our way to breakfast by a truck full of middle-aged Mexicans. The one in the driver’s seat rolled down the window and started shouting at us, but not like the guys in the monster truck. These lovely fellows were trying to get us to take their father because “he’s a good man”. Excuse me- their FATHER? Either the dudes mistook us for hookers or they really really hate their family. But for the record, I was not dressed like a hooker! I had on a very modest coat and jeans. My friend was a little more, erm, provocative… maybe she can take Big Daddy.

You can keep your dad. Really, you can. We don't want him!

He's too sexy for his shirt.

As the legend goes, our dear friend Krampus is a good buddy of Saint Nick’s, except his job is just a little different. He doesn’t give presents- he gives DOOM. Like, 7th-level-of-hell-type doom. And they have guys in costumes marching around as Krampus in parades! I don’t know about you, but I’ve always thought of Christmas parades as jolly and generally non-terrifying. However, if I saw Santa hanging out on his float with some sort of disgusting horned thing, my opinion just might change.

Anyways, merry Christmas to you all, my dear readers! Oh, and be thankful you don’t live in Austria or Hungary. If you did, you might find someone besides Saint Nick a-creepin’ down your chimney…

Anyways, I s’pose you guys deserve an update on my life. First and foremost, I’m still adjusting to this whole public school thing. It’s certainly strange going from a not-sheltered-but-not-exactly-socialized home schooler to a full-fledged, dirty-joke-makin’ public school chica. Oh, and you also have to adjust to a whole new breed of people… you know, the people you thought only existed in books and bad teen movies. Do you know what I’m talking about? No? I’ll just elaborate, then.

For starters, it turns out real dumb blondes do exist, and they’re kind of scary. I’ve always thought the character Karen in Mean Girls (you know, this one) was over-exaggerated until I met her real-life doppleganger. She didn’t ask me how to spell orange and her boobs can’t predict the weather (as far as I know), but she’s still one of the slowest people I’ve ever met. No offense to the girl because I’m sure she’s very sweet, but she’s an intellect rivaled only by garden tools.

There’s also PDA. Lots of PDA. Back when I took home school classes, there was an invisible line between the boys and the girls. It probably wouldn’t be pretty if you crossed that line, so I stayed with my fellow XX chromosomes. But in public school it’s very rare to get to lunch without spotting a couple with their tongues down one another’s throat, which is really excellent. I’m certainly not stuck up, but seeing random strangers swapping spit in the middle of a crowded hallway is just a little on the disgusting side. PDA just isn’t my thing. However, due to the location of my locker (which I have lovingly dubbed the Locker of Love), I have to put up with it. You see, the person with the locker under mine seems to enjoy spending her time between periods engaging in a full-on makeout session with her boyfriend. That’s fine and dandy, but I can’t exactly get my books when there’s some random stranger cleaning out the mouth of his lady friend in front of my locker.

Anyways, I think you guys get the picture. Public education is, erm, DIFFERENT. So, are there any colorful characters in your school? I’d love to hear about ‘em- just post a comment. You don’t have to sign up for anything. Merry early Christmas!

Peace, love, and Fran Drescher,
Cocoa Monster

Anyways, today some friends and I went to a playground for a picnic. This sounds perfectly normal, right? Just a few friends, a picnic table, and way too many salty snacks… nothing strange about that. Well, normally you’d be right, but this playground is a little out of the ordinary. For starters, it’s behind a cemetery. Also, it’s supposedly haunted. And did I mention it’s called Dead Children’s Playground? No, really, I’m not joking. Apparently there were some pretty brutal murders back in the sixties, and the bodies were found close to the playground. I’m not sure if there’s any truth to this story, but it’s the best known explanation to the activity that occurs there at night.

Oh yes, the activity. I should probably explain that as well, no? You see, at night the swings are known to move rhythmically with no reasonable explanation as to why, and you can also occasionally hear the giggles of small children. Creeeepy. So do I believe this? Well, after tonight, maybe so. It was around 5 o’clock and nearly pitch dark. Allison and Bree had run off to take pictures down in the cemetery and Neeta and I were swinging on the playground. Seeing that the other two had kidnapped my camera, we decided to track them down. We got off the swings and started up the steps to the covered area when we heard it. A loud, high-pitched giggle that could only belong to a small child coming from near the woods behind us. Terrified, Neeta and I took off screaming.

As creepy as it was, I kind of want to go back after dark again. I highly doubt Neeta will ever step foot near Dead Children’s Playground again, but Allison and Bree have agreed to come with me. So what about you guys? Ever had any paranormal experiences? Do you even believe in ghosts? Tell me about it in the comments. Until then, here are a few pictures I managed to get at the playground. Enjoy!